Let me tell my story…

I am silently freaking out right now considering the possibility of someone actually reading something like this. If you are reading this you have discovered my brand new adventure and a journey I hope to lead to many opportunities for doors to open. You see, stepping away from my career 2 years ago was incredibly emotional and hard to do. I knew at the time it was absolutely the right decision to make for my family, but it meant letting go and completely walking away from something I absolutely loved to do, was genuinely good at, passionate about, and something I had devoted 13 years of my life into. 

Shortly after the transition into being a full time stay at home mom (and I mean very shortly, only 2 months to be exact) I gave birth to our daughter and went from being a mom of 1 to a mom of 2. Now, I’ve heard and been told by many people that the transition from 1 to 2 children is by far the hardest of transitions and although I don’t have any other experiences to compare it to, I can say without a doubt it was a very big adjustment for myself. My fist child, although not easy to bring into the world, was an incredibly easy-going and laid back baby. Boy, did he have me fooled! So when my second baby, although was my easier to bring into the world, was not an easy-going or simple to baby to care for. She required a lot more attention and need from me specifically. Compound that to caring full-time for a not quite 3  year old at the time and all the unprocessed emotions of stepping away from my career and just to add some icing on the cake…there’s the whole hormonal change your body goes under after giving birth. So as you can guess where I am going, I was a mess! 

I began to really struggle with depression and continued to just “suck it up” and suppress my feelings to care for my family. I knew I was depressed, but I didn’t want to admit it for fear of feeling like a failure or being seen differently. So after several months of pressing my thoughts and feelings down and going into survival mode I collapsed for lack of a better analogy. Thoughts began to enter my mind. Thoughts I never believed I was capable of having. These thoughts were so deep, so dark, and so harmful that I was terrified by the fact that I was even having them. I was mad at myself for feeling and think that way. I would like about driving my car off a bridge or parking it in the garage with the engine still running. I remember wanting to throw myself down a flight of stairs I was descending at one point. This was ultimately my ROCK BOTTOM. At this moment in time I began having difficulty to physically get out of bed. I could barely muster the strength to make my son a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before I needed to lay down and cry. I would cry all the time. Most of the time I didn’t even know what for, but tears would be running down my cheeks and I would have to wipe them off my daughter as I nursed her. 

I knew I only had two choices as to where to go from there I could either stay at Rock Bottom and allow the earth to then swallow be whole and be buried for all of eternity or I could dig myself out. I chose to dig out. I knew the task ahead of me would be difficult and was a long journey back to solid ground. But my family and my future were worth it. They are always worth it. 

The first step was probably one of the most difficult, I had to ask for help. The independent and strong willed spirit of “let me do it” fights at asking for help to my very core. But this was something that I knew would be absolutely necessary to the journey. I couldn’t do it on my own. So I shared with my husband what I was dealing with where I was struggling the most, and exactly how deep and dark my intrusive thoughts had become. I needed him to know I needed him. That I wasn’t strong enough to carry my full weight at the moment and that I was needing to get professional help.

Next I found a counselor with a therapeutic approach that resonated with me. This can also be a bit daunting,  but there are many different approaches to therapy and no two people are the same. What might work for one might person, might not work for another. 

Finally I met with my medical doctor and discussed if medication was right for me. I am grateful to have a doctor that I feel comfortable with and an established relationship. It made the whole experience easier for me. 

So after several months of therapy and exploring parts of myself that were difficult to face I began to seek a way to reinvent myself once again. I cut several inches off my hair, changed my style, and began to implementing a self care routine. 

In April of 2023 I realized one of the main things I was missing from my life was a creative outlet for myself. With the support and encouragement of my husband I ventured into the world of social media and content creation. I absolutely had no idea how to do anything when I first started. So I began to research and learn all the techniques behind creating content. I studied the different platforms and determined that instagram was the best place to get started. Now only a few short months later here I am launching a full blown career as a content creator. 

So stick around and see where this journey continues to take me. If you don’t already, please follow me on all my social platforms as I post different and new content regularly.  Be sure to check back here regally as well, as I will be continuously be posting and changing out shopping items and writing new post. You don’t want to miss out on anything exciting.